Hectic Schedules and Disabilities

Oh how I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas! As we unwind and head into the new year, I know that many can relate to what has become a reality in our family… life with a family member who continues to suffer from severe disabilities, whether TBI, chronic pain or other limitations. This life requires planning and often forgoing some visiting and special gatherings and purposefully seeking (and hopefully finding) peaceful / quiet moments in between the rush.

It means sometimes disappointing friends and family and juggling responsibilities with what’s best.

It means pushing through, sometimes knowing that it could take days to catch up from the effects and weighing which experiences are worth the risk of setbacks.

It means not wanting your loved one to miss out, but realizing that there are times when it is better, in the big picture, to go on ahead without them.

It means aching inside because you're feeling helpless as your loved one struggles, and just wanting so bad to take away the pain and wiriness.

It means being so very thankful for wonderful kids who get it and actually like spending quiet time at home with mom and dad.

It means slowing down… which means time to reflect on all we have to be thankful for and for the gift God sent so many years ago… which truly is the reason for the season.

I pray that you too will find joy in the simple things and be filled with peace as you reflect on all that you have together – rather than anything missed, undone, or declined. May you have abundant joy and not let the burdens of this life overwhelm you. May you find rest and be encouraged in the fellowship of others who understand the road you travel. May the coming year be filled with blessings, smiles, love, and plenty of those quiet moments in between!

Desensitizing Ourselves to Violence

Like so many across the country, I am heartbroken over the tragedy in Connecticut as well as other acts of violence that have permeated our culture. I hear so much regarding the answer to the problem of violence in our country being more government regulation, ie: gun control, yet this idea of treating symptoms rather than problems just seems so backward and naive. One only needs look at history to realize that humans have been destroying humans since humanity began…long before guns were ever an issue.

The problem with our society is that evil exists and evil seeks to destroy. Looking through history, it seems obvious that as cultures desensitize themselves to violence and let immorality run loose, they fail. As cultures use violence for sport and entertainment, immorality and violence prevailed. The Babylonians and Romans with their lion dens and gladiator fights, Medieval knight competitions… people have glorified violence as sport and entertainment since the beginning of time. We continue that bent with movies, media and video games that are increasingly violent, all the while desensitizing this generation and teaching them to solve problems with violence.

History also is filled with examples of governments that have taken greater control of the populace, until finally there is revolt. Great civilizations have crumbled when their governments have sought to control, tax, enslave and make the population dependent on government.

We would do well to pay closer attention to the lessons of history as we are not above repeating it… again.

Gun control will not solve the problem of violence. A more forceful and controlling government will not solve the problem. A return to God, morality, and placing value on every human life is the only answer… for there will be evil in this world until Jesus returns and puts evil in its place forever.

The Hospital Part is the "Easy" Part

Sitting in the ICU waiting room 10+ years ago, anxiously waiting for news from the trauma surgeons and surrounded by friends, a very wise man told me... "Believe it or not, the hospital part is going to be the easy part." These words have come to mind almost daily throughout the course of the days and years to follow. At first, while still in the hospital, the thoughts were of disbelief... how could anything be harder than this? Afterwards, the thoughts have been more a realization of how profoundly true those seemingly simple words were.

As we come upon Thanksgiving, I want to pause and be thankful for all those who have walked down this oh so difficult road... and continue to live life "after the hospital part." In so doing, I want to share a few of stories about the heroes around you. These are stories of law enforcement officers whose lives, and their families lives, were forever changed through catastrophic events and injuries sustained while serving and protecting their communities. I have had the honor of meeting a number of these heroes and their spouses, and they all wish that they could return to their life of service.

They all are wired that special way with the desire to help people that surpasses their desire for self.

They all grieve, not just the physical loss their disabilities have caused, but the loss of camaraderie that they once had with other officers that was rooted in the need to completely trust others to have your back... while at the same time having their back.

Their families have all adjusted schedules, routines, activities, finances, and careers to accommodate caregiver roles.

They were all take charge types of people who now find life taking charge.

Not unlike any civilian who faces catastrophic injury, they all struggle to figure out where they fit in with disabilities and with the door to the life they once knew so well, forever slammed shut behind them.

They all deserve honor, respect and our thanks; because without their selfless willingness to serve and protect, our society would be overrun by those who selfishly seek to destroy order and take advantage.

Thank you to these officers and others like them, as well as to all of those who are currently serving and protecting in their communities. (Names have been changed to respect their privacy and to honor their safety... for all have taken dangerous criminals off our streets and helped to make our communities safer places to live)

Bob, a bomb tech and sergeant in charge of the city's bomb squad, suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) from the back blast of a bomb 7 years ago. His distinguished law enforcement career was preceded by service in the US Army. His wife and 2 of his 3 sons also have served, or are serving in our nation's military. This family has given much to their community and country, yet they still struggle just to get basic medical care for Bob. Due to his injuries, he cannot work, and his wife has had to give up her career to become a caregiver. Both Bob and his wife continue to reach out to other disabled officers to offer assistance and encouragement because they know the path and don't want anyone to walk it alone.

Joe was in a foot pursuit of a repeat violent offender when he was shot. The gunshot wound to his neck resulted in multiple strokes and permanent disabilities. Joe has young children and his wife works full time to support the family. Like many departments across the country, his department opted out of Social Security, yet did not provide alternate disability coverage for officers. Joe, like many disabled officers, had to retire from the career he loved way before his time, cannot work, and is left with no disability coverage.

Tom had served in the sheriff’s department for 17 years when he was involved in a head on crash when, on his way to a call, a driver coming towards him crossed the center line. Among other things, Tom's legs were badly broken and crushed. He spent months in and out of surgery and rehab just trying to get back to the life he knew and loved, but was not physically able to return to work within a year's time. His department thanked him by handing him a pink slip. Tom has 2 wonderful kids and a wife who continues to give to their community as a dispatcher.

Bill was on his way to a 911 call involving what he thought was an armed robbery. The call turned out to be fake... someone trying to pull one over on their insurance company. Bill hit a patch of ice and lost control of his vehicle while responding to this call. Because of the selfish acts of one person, Bill faces the loss of his career and permanent disability.

I could go on and on with stories of heroes and their families who are "lost in a sea of blue." All of these heroes continue to have a servant's heart and would do anything to be back in uniform. All have been disconnected from the family they had relied on professionally. All have battled, and continue to battle pain and uncertainty as they live out life "after the hospital part."

This Thanksgiving, I pause to thank those all across the country who cannot be adequately thanked for their dedication and service to our country and communities. I thank their families and those who have walked with them. We are truly blessed to count so many of these heroes in our circle of friends along the twisted and broken thin blue line. God bless you all!



 

Who Knows?

Who Knows! It is a common response to difficult questions.

For example...
Who's going to win the election? Who knows!
How did you do on that test? Who knows!
When will it ever rain? Who knows!
Why does cancer exist? Who knows!

No wonder Horton was always looking for Who. He knows everything!

In reality, the answer to all of these questions could/should be "God knows." So, whenever you think "who knows", pause to think "God knows."

God wired us to seek Him, for our countenance to be uneasy without Him. Imagine if we went all out searching for God like Horton went all out for Who. Imagine if we stood up for our faith like Horton stood up for Who. Imagine if we listened as intently for God's voice as Horton listened for Who's voice. Just imagine...

The Other Injured Party - A Caregiver Spouse

When an LEO is critically injured, falls ill, etc. their life changes dramatically. Forced to retire from an active career by a sudden, and often catastrophic, event; a take charge person, such as a law enforcement officer accustomed to being in control of situations and wired to work that way, can be particularly devastated. Suddenly they are not in control, and sometimes this loss of control includes even some of the most personal and basic bodily functions and self-care. This loss of control, along with pain, emotional trauma, loss of friends and coworkers, loss of income and provider status, loss of independence, etc. requires a grieving process and significant adjustment. What focus there is, is generally on the injured party, which is needed for recovery and adjustment; but let’s take a look at the spouse, suddenly turned caregiver.

Without consciously recognizing this person's role, resentment (because they can be perceived as still having a 'normal' life by the injured spouse) and anger (as we tend to lash out at those who are closest to us and are 'safe' targets to vent to and release emotions to... remember LEOs are conditioned to not act emotionally) can divide and create an atmosphere ripe for conflict and vulnerable to separation and/or divorce. Recognizing that the spouse/caregiver also has a grieving process to go through is a critical step and a fork in the road. One path leads to togetherness and playing out the game as a team. The other road leads to isolation for both parties. This isn't a matter of blame, it is a matter of recognizing that a critical injury or illness does not happen in a bubble, and the wounded/ill party is not the only one facing major life changes. It seems like a simple concept, but when the gravity of a situation is high, it is hard to step back and see the perspective of others.

Some things to consider that a caregiver spouse is likely experiencing include:

· Grief at the loss or distance of their best friend/life partner

· Adjustment to the new person they are living with... they may be trying to figure out who this person is and how to fall in love with their spouse all over again

· Loss of friendships or interaction with friends as new responsibilities consume time

· Financial worries as they take on decisions that once were joint and now fall solely (at least for a time) on them

· 'Single' parenting

· Taking on a job (or new job) to support the family while still taking care of house, shopping, meals, laundry, schedules, parent/teacher conferences, vehicle maintenance, etc.

· Juggling medical appointments, prescriptions, physical therapy sessions, etc.

· Researching treatments and specialists

· Reconciling medical bills and insurance payments, and battling agencies and insurance companies

· Lack of sleep/rest and exhaustion, both physical and emotional

This list is by no means comprehensive, but is meant to help provide perspective. When a critical injury or illness strikes, a caregiver spouse needs some understanding along with their commitment to weather the storms... until death do us part. I honestly do not know how a relationship can survive these challenges without the strength and grace of God in it, through it, and on it.

Tip #1: If you are a caregiver spouse walking this road, don't walk it alone. I had the blessing of an Alzheimers caregiver support group when my husband was injured (my mom had Alzheimers). Unknowingly, they provided a great deal of help and understanding in working through that grief process as I came to terms with our 'new normal' 

Tip #2: If you are the injured/ill spouse, recognize your spouse's efforts to juggle so much and realize that their life is also turned upside down. Commit to walking the road together.

Tip #3: Spend time in prayer for your relationship and perspective, for strength, understanding and grace.

Tip #3 Decide ahead of time which fork you will take if that time comes in your relationship.

Inspiring Leaders - Marc Kielburger (Me to We, Free the Children, We Day)

I spent Thursday and Friday at the Global Leadership Summit where I heard from fabulous speakers doing amazing things al over the world with the talents and gifts that God gave them. It was a good reminder of the good that God inspires in so many throughout the world,  particularly as our news is so filled with the bad that people choose when they turn their backs on God. Marc Kielburger and his brother Craig inspire youth to get out and make a difference, and in so doing inspire all ages to not just live, but to leave a legacy through empathy, action and idealism... Marc challenges kids to get out of their comfort zone (I've found that God doesn't like us to sit in our comfort zone anyhow!), take their gift, whatever it is, and combine it their passion to do something to make this a better world. For example... if your gift is hockey and you are passionate about homelessness... organize a hockey tournament to benefit the homeless. Check out "We Day" in Canada http://www.weday.com/craig_and_marc/. I heard Marc speak a couple of years ago in Canada. He is definitely passionate about helping children thrive.

Another Kind of Hero - Veterans of the War on Our Streets

I have recently had the opportunity to meet (virtually) the wives of several heroes... veterans of the ongoing war on our streets. Whether injured by a bomb blast, bullets to the head, neck or elsewhere, run over on the streets, or any number of catastrophic events, these men and women are no less veterans than the soldiers in our military. Many in fact served in our military before on our streets.

Yet, there is no VA or DAV, or other organization that helps these vets navigate life with disabilities. They are often cut off from medical insurance and have to fight their departments and local governments for even work comp assistance, let alone other benefits they are supposed to receive. Technicalities and loopholes are swiftly navigated by city attorneys with bigger budgets and resources to fight. Families are fighting their personal battles to survive each day, and rather than come along side of them, their agencies and localities seem to want them to just go away. They are treated as though they are thought of as a burden that nobody wants to, or knows how to, deal with.

There are many organizations that reach out to and support our disabled military vets... they are needed, and we owe a great debt to our disabled military vets. There are a number of organizations that reach out to the families of law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty... these are also needed, and we owe a huge debt to those who gave their all. There is a mind boggling lack of support for our disabled law enforcement veterans. We also owe these heroes our thanks and support. They gave no less than veterans on foreign soil. They were active duty officers on our streets, trained to serve and protect. They are no less heroes and their lives (and the lives of their families) are no less broken by their injuries.

Recently I found out about new devices to help relieve pain and increase mobility when legs and ankles are severely injured by blasts or crushing injuries... these devices are only available to active duty military injured in the line of duty... not active duty law enforcement injured in the line of duty. Law enforcement are considered civilians in this case and not eligible for consideration. With injuries of the type that are often the result of combat... with the mindset and determination to go into situations that civilians run from, they are caught between civilian and enlisted, Injured law enforcement officers don't "fit" into either category.

This is but one small example. Officers and families are struggling all across the nation... spread apart and concerned with just doing life. They are the heroes who do not, or are not able to, push
for the treatment that they deserve. Many don't even stop to think that the way that they are being treated is absolutely wrong, or even feel that they deserve special treatment. Some are burdened by guilt because a partner or another officer didn't survive. Most humbly don't feel worthy of hero status, because they are soldiers who are wired to give their all for what they believe in.

This September Ladd and I will have the opportunity to meet disabled law enforcement veterans from around the nation... to personally thank them and their families for their sacrifice and dedication. We will also get to meet a group of active duty law enforcement officers who are reaching out to disabled officers in an attempt to begin to fill this gap. What an honor and privilege to be invited to be present among these heroes! Our deepest gratitude goes out to Hunting for Heroes. (www.huntingforheros.org)