Missed Holidays - Expected for LE, Continue for Disabled

When they go into this career as law enforcement officers, we know our family will be spending a lot of holidays, birthdays, dinners, ballgames, recitals and programs without them there; but we always think about the someday. Someday they will be retired and able to be present for every birthday, holiday,  dinner, ballgame, etc. Granted, it will likely be with grandkids, rather than our own kids. Hopefully they will be close by, or we will travel! Oh the dreams... but... trauma and pain crashes those dreams.
Nobody could have prepared us for this long life after trauma where he still misses  birthdays, holidays, dinners, ballgames, recitals and time with our family and friends.

We used to love having friends over for dinner, and going to friends' homes for dinner. We used to love going out for dinner, to movies, for hikes, playing games, so many things.

As I look back through albums and thumb drives, he is strangely missing from so many family pictures because he had to leave, or never went... life for everyone else went on without him there. There are family picnics, holidays, graduation parties, birthday parties for grandkids, even vacations where he was in the hotel room a lot while the rest of us did things without him.

Nobody could have prepared us for a lonely life after line of duty disability. Police work stole him away the first 13 years, we expected that. Pain and trauma stole him away the next 21 years (and counting), that breaks my heart every time. So often I need to be present for both of us, to always be trying to find the balance between the right amount of time with him and the rest of our world. It is exhausting.

Pain, whether physical or physiological or both, steals so much from the person experiencing it and the people who love that person as well. Those who do not have a frame of reference for actually living with severe chronic pain are currently making decisions about limiting options for care. These decisions have been a source of so much added stress, pressure, and high risk painful and invasive procedures that cost a lot of money with little to no benefit. There has to be a point where a patient can say "enough... just help me manage the pain and live life. I take responsibility for the risks." It used to be that way, but we see that eroding now, and are fearful of what that means for life going forward. Will life be even more isolated and miserable? Why does it have to be that way? 

(I know, I know... it is all messed up because of those who abuse illegal drugs... but those truly suffering should not be the ones paying the price for criminals and addicts)

God, I pray you show us your purpose and continue to guide us through this journey. There has to be a solution. 

In the mean time, check in on your LOD disabled friends. They're still out there struggling to do life, and although they've probably declined an invitation (or several) because they were not up to going out, that does not mean they want to feel alone or left out. They just are not in a position that gives them a lot of options. Pain is one thing. Alone in pain is yet another.

Hectic Schedules and Disabilities

Oh how I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas! As we unwind and head into the new year, I know that many can relate to what has become a reality in our family… life with a family member who continues to suffer from severe disabilities, whether TBI, chronic pain or other limitations. This life requires planning and often forgoing some visiting and special gatherings and purposefully seeking (and hopefully finding) peaceful / quiet moments in between the rush.

It means sometimes disappointing friends and family and juggling responsibilities with what’s best.

It means pushing through, sometimes knowing that it could take days to catch up from the effects and weighing which experiences are worth the risk of setbacks.

It means not wanting your loved one to miss out, but realizing that there are times when it is better, in the big picture, to go on ahead without them.

It means aching inside because you're feeling helpless as your loved one struggles, and just wanting so bad to take away the pain and wiriness.

It means being so very thankful for wonderful kids who get it and actually like spending quiet time at home with mom and dad.

It means slowing down… which means time to reflect on all we have to be thankful for and for the gift God sent so many years ago… which truly is the reason for the season.

I pray that you too will find joy in the simple things and be filled with peace as you reflect on all that you have together – rather than anything missed, undone, or declined. May you have abundant joy and not let the burdens of this life overwhelm you. May you find rest and be encouraged in the fellowship of others who understand the road you travel. May the coming year be filled with blessings, smiles, love, and plenty of those quiet moments in between!