Get in the game, but first show up at practice

Marriage is tough. Relationships between people are subject to imperfection because people are imperfect. There are more forces trying to tear marriages and families apart in our culture than ever before.

Ladd and I celebrated our 31st anniversary in March. This month it has been 15 years since the traffic stop that rocked our world. We've been down this rollercoaster and have hung on for dear life. We have not done so without battles or scars, but can honestly say that now our marriage is better and stronger than ever before. If I could give a couple of pieces of advice....

First, law enforcement life puts a strain on relationships to begin with. Of course there’s the odd schedules with hold overs and call outs, particularly on holidays, birthdays and first dates. And it is well known that there’s an ever present danger cloud hovering. Perhaps more subtle strains come from some of the very things that draw law enforcement couples together in the first place. LEO'S are take charge sort of folks...they have to be. LEO spouses are independent sorts... they have to be. It takes a lot for these 2 types to be vulnerable. When a family is rocked and one is forced to become vulnerable due to injury or illness, that person often lashes out at the only one he/she feels "safe" to be vulnerable with. When much is ripped away, the hurt and anger come out, and resentment can settle in... and it's easiest to focus that on the one you feel safe to be vulnerable with. "Easiest" is relative, those lash outs still damage, hurt, leave scars and require much grace, love and forgiveness.

Second, Injury does not just effect the injured. Everyone in the family is effected, and changed. Recovery and finding the new normal isn't a solo sport, it's a team effort. You may need to back up and start over in a lot of ways. Step back and realize/remember... you are not each other's enemies. You are on the same team, but you can't just show up at the game and expect to play... let alone win. Winning teams are committed to show up at practice, do the drills, and work through the tough stuff.
My sport is basketball, and I've never known anyone who wants to play with a ball hog... and ball hogs rarely realize they are part of the problem working against the team. 
My advice... go back to fundamentals.
Start with dating again... get to know the "new" people you are. Be intentional. Relationships are not about keeping score between team members. They are about each member giving it their best effort. Sometimes we loose. Sometimes we have a slump. Winning teams are made up of members that make their teammates shine.

Just some reflection after pondering the fact that there is a lot of hurt out there, and hoping to offer a bit of encouragement. 

Get in the game, but first, show up at practice!

Hectic Schedules and Disabilities

Oh how I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas! As we unwind and head into the new year, I know that many can relate to what has become a reality in our family… life with a family member who continues to suffer from severe disabilities, whether TBI, chronic pain or other limitations. This life requires planning and often forgoing some visiting and special gatherings and purposefully seeking (and hopefully finding) peaceful / quiet moments in between the rush.

It means sometimes disappointing friends and family and juggling responsibilities with what’s best.

It means pushing through, sometimes knowing that it could take days to catch up from the effects and weighing which experiences are worth the risk of setbacks.

It means not wanting your loved one to miss out, but realizing that there are times when it is better, in the big picture, to go on ahead without them.

It means aching inside because you're feeling helpless as your loved one struggles, and just wanting so bad to take away the pain and wiriness.

It means being so very thankful for wonderful kids who get it and actually like spending quiet time at home with mom and dad.

It means slowing down… which means time to reflect on all we have to be thankful for and for the gift God sent so many years ago… which truly is the reason for the season.

I pray that you too will find joy in the simple things and be filled with peace as you reflect on all that you have together – rather than anything missed, undone, or declined. May you have abundant joy and not let the burdens of this life overwhelm you. May you find rest and be encouraged in the fellowship of others who understand the road you travel. May the coming year be filled with blessings, smiles, love, and plenty of those quiet moments in between!