Get in the game, but first show up at practice

Marriage is tough. Relationships between people are subject to imperfection because people are imperfect. There are more forces trying to tear marriages and families apart in our culture than ever before.

Ladd and I celebrated our 31st anniversary in March. This month it has been 15 years since the traffic stop that rocked our world. We've been down this rollercoaster and have hung on for dear life. We have not done so without battles or scars, but can honestly say that now our marriage is better and stronger than ever before. If I could give a couple of pieces of advice....

First, law enforcement life puts a strain on relationships to begin with. Of course there’s the odd schedules with hold overs and call outs, particularly on holidays, birthdays and first dates. And it is well known that there’s an ever present danger cloud hovering. Perhaps more subtle strains come from some of the very things that draw law enforcement couples together in the first place. LEO'S are take charge sort of folks...they have to be. LEO spouses are independent sorts... they have to be. It takes a lot for these 2 types to be vulnerable. When a family is rocked and one is forced to become vulnerable due to injury or illness, that person often lashes out at the only one he/she feels "safe" to be vulnerable with. When much is ripped away, the hurt and anger come out, and resentment can settle in... and it's easiest to focus that on the one you feel safe to be vulnerable with. "Easiest" is relative, those lash outs still damage, hurt, leave scars and require much grace, love and forgiveness.

Second, Injury does not just effect the injured. Everyone in the family is effected, and changed. Recovery and finding the new normal isn't a solo sport, it's a team effort. You may need to back up and start over in a lot of ways. Step back and realize/remember... you are not each other's enemies. You are on the same team, but you can't just show up at the game and expect to play... let alone win. Winning teams are committed to show up at practice, do the drills, and work through the tough stuff.
My sport is basketball, and I've never known anyone who wants to play with a ball hog... and ball hogs rarely realize they are part of the problem working against the team. 
My advice... go back to fundamentals.
Start with dating again... get to know the "new" people you are. Be intentional. Relationships are not about keeping score between team members. They are about each member giving it their best effort. Sometimes we loose. Sometimes we have a slump. Winning teams are made up of members that make their teammates shine.

Just some reflection after pondering the fact that there is a lot of hurt out there, and hoping to offer a bit of encouragement. 

Get in the game, but first, show up at practice!